Today, I realized that I discriminate when I share information. In most cases, I, only, share information with individuals who have already informed me of a need. Is it possible, even, to serve someone effectively without knowledge of their personal or professional desires?
Some people do not ask for help because they wish to appear as if they have all the answers, already (also known as “having it all together”); this may appear as shallow behavior, but “having it together” can have a profound impact on one’s life. Often, everyone from potential employers and mates to pedestrians are more receptive of individuals who appear to have everything under control than of individuals who are easily influenced by the inconsistent winds of life. Pay attention to the difference in your thoughts when you interact with someone who exhibits vulnerability in response to various matters and when you interact with someone who behaves in a controlled manner and doesn’t express a need for anything. Frequently, she who “has it all together” (before her inevitable breakdown) wins in movies and in real life. Appearing to have life under control all of the time has negative consequences. Like, rarely do people offer to help and you may commit to maintaining your appearance at the expense of asking for and receiving much needed support – a self-defeating and lonely experience.
I was devastated when the graduate programs to which I had applied denied me admittance. I needed help in making sense of this event; after a while, I consulted a woman whom I admired. During our conversation I informed her of my discomfort with asking for help. I remember her saying in response, “…I bet that your network is a lot bigger and stronger than you think. People love to help; they just don’t readily offer it to others who appear to have it together.” Grrr, so I have to reveal my weaknesses in order to get help? What if people don’t respect me afterward? …I can’t …I won’t …I mean that I want to but I don’t trust that after exposing my vulnerability I will remain whole.
The obvious contradiction between the manner in which I share information, my fear of asking for help, and my desire to succeed influences me to admit that revealing a need is not a sign of weakness but of strength. One who seeks help is logical and resourceful, has a vision and, at least, the skeleton of a solid tactical plan. A clear strategy, sense of purpose, realistic and flexible tactical plan, and a team is necessary to deploy the range of skills needed to realize the imaginary. Only someone worthy of being your partner in success will recognize the power of asking for help and the honor in being asked to guide you through a challenge.
Attract the things you want by articulating your needs to others. If your request is rejected, remember that god only uses what you have left to bless you, anyway. So, ask, receive, and flourish.
(The is the full-length version of the blog entry on http://www.michelleobrunch.com
Stories from Beyond the Comfort Zone 